(Am not complaining, just self reflectionzzzzz.)
(Neither am i freaking comparing anything :D)
I discovered something about me today.
It all started when she said everyone changed, I changed, from last year till this year.
I asked her, what was the change in me.
She replied,
Last year I was optimistic, happiness I reveal was truthfully from my heart.
I brought joy to everyone, I study but not as much.
I was better to friends, I was nice to all.
This year I became depressed and emo.
I was easily stressed up, and I became easily impatient.
I study a lot and don't react much with people.
There seems to be something restricting me from being really happy.
Even when I laugh, it's not sincere.
I paused, and I knew she was right. I realise the change in myself too.
It's as if there's a dark cloud over me but I just can't get rid of it.
Then I asked her, why.
She told me, "Environment."
I agree. This year's atmosphere is totally different from last year's.
Last year I was happy deep from my heart, 2008 treated me well. I had a great class, awesome friends, never-ending laughter, got satisfying grades, lesser domestic arguments.....
I remember people envy about how I forever won't get left out, how I am always with people, how good my parents were, how rich (no im definitely not FOR GOODNESS SAKE) I am, better grades even though I was onlineeeee.
Srsly, life was a blithe :)
Short to say, I got attention.
But now, im not exactly getting fabulous results, my mother finding trouble with me every night, dad's sick, i sound like i luv my class but deep inside i don't, everyone's in cliques and I hate it, but im anti social so yea my fault too.
I asked them if changed. They told me became nerd-er, keep on studying only.
Well i swear i will NEVER do anything thing like chionging homework in class and mugging during free periods when I was in 2/2.
Guess i really loved my group of girls, i kinda miss them A LOT now...
We visit the toilet whenever a lesson end, i would talk to yvette non stop, elfin would be laughing at some nonsensical stuffs Im talking about, weiying would harping about HK, adeline would talk about shopping together, jiawen would start inferring so accurately it scares me off, liping would touch people, xinying would drown me with all her emoness and I would be the one who cheers her up.......
Ah misses those days.
But now in class, I find no one to talk to really.
Cindy only maybe.
I don't really have any close friends who came into the same current class as me.
That's why i don't really have a clique, who i can really be comfortable and let my hair down and be crazyyyy with.
Pretty pathetic huh I?
That's why i resort to doing homework and act like i've got something to do.
LONER. Yea nevermind I am one.
Worst of all, I can never be a loner. Those who know me well will know this.
My weakest point.
They also mentioned about me being increasingly vulgar.
LOL! HAHAHA that one can control, so yea I will :D
Yea i do miss the old me. It's the TRUUUUU me.
Current me = EEEEEW.
Haaaaaaa sometimes it's good to hear sincere opinions from people close to you.
It makes you do a lot of self reflecting, and that's always better right?
Better than living in your own world thinking you're some super number one.
Well moral of the story today is,
JASMINE SHOULD LEARN AND MAKE AN EFFORT TO RETURN TO HER TRUUUUUE SELF XD
Yes and i hope i can. No more emo jasmine.
I just need some time (:
The true me wants to be happy one... hehe i know.
I should go back to cheer people up, instead of people cheering me up.
And dampening the moods of people around me is evil too!!!
I remember i lived by this saying last year,
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
:) There will be a rainbow above my head soon!
Sorry to those who think i changedddd and i think i changedddd.
To some stupid emo freak. Haha but am trying to sort my brain out.
So yea, CHEERS~
AND YESSSS I NOT AN EMO HELPLESS SHIT.
DEEP INSIDE ME I CAN BE HAPPY :D
I'm just learning how to now.