It wasn't a good day today.
I was totally upset with myself today.
VERY UPSET. VERY DISAPPOINTED. VERY SCREWED UP TODAY.
I realised how naively contented I've been all these while.
BUT
I'm glad today happened.
You can call me a scarey cat, but I don't like to be scolded by teachers.
I once thought getting kicked out of class or being pint-pointed in class were part and parcel of life..... it happens and I will forget it in no time.
Well this time it's different.
Got kicked out of English class, pint-pointed during Math lesson for undone work, failing my math class test, not knowing how to do my chinese comprehension.......
It seems that everything is rolling like a snowball......
That SHOULD NOT be me.
I wasn't like that in the past. Yes I do feel I'm studying more than in Secondary 2.
But Secondary 3 means more time sacrificed to studying and understanding your work.
STOP PLAYING. NO TIME TO FOOL AROUND.
I used to envy others for getting good results, thinking that they got good results because they were born smart.
Now I know they come over time, through hardwork.
Nothing comes overnight. Everything good comes out with a price to pay for.
People succeed because their efforts pay off.
Perhaps some may think failing a math test, getting kicked out of class, being pint-pointed in class is a negligible matter.. I beg to differ.
I thought it was nothing in the past, but perhaps today, I'm glad that I took these criticism and punishment into serious consideration of my attitude towards work.
"Attitude determines your altitude", many heard of this before.
True enough, I think my attitude sucked A LOT.
As Mrs Philip was reprimanding us on our bad work today, she was constantly emphasizing on the GIRLS who didn't do well.
I began to panic, I knew one of them must be me.
That instantly shows how lightly I take my homework for, and now I panic, what's the point?
True enough, maybe Mrs Philip has blacklisted me as those girls who don't take work seriously. But I do. I do take work seriously.
However NOT ENOUGH I guess.
It takes more than just serious work to become a good pupil with good grades.
You need VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY HARD WORK.
I began to feel extremely remorseful at myself. Ashamed of myself.
I don't like to be the bottom of class, being blacklisted by teachers, being looked down upon by teachers.
I HATE THAT. IT SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING TO ME.
Really.... who wants that?
While getting back my whole worksheet of crosses, failed math paper, even when Mrs Philip started to criticize about my notes, I could feel tears fighting their way out.
Anytime. I could just cry.
Why cry? Not because I fail, not because I got my whole worksheet wrong.
Because I am very upset with myself. The disappointment in myself is beyond...
Call this as a wake up call to me. Good that it came just the starting of the year, thank God I still had chance to make up to my mistakes.
I know I still have time to catch up on my work.
And I promise myself that I will prove the teachers wrong.
I don't care if the certain teachers black list me as some CMI students, I will prove them wrong. I WILL.
I'm sad because I don't like to lose. It sucks to have the bottom of the class kinda feeling.
Sick and tired of failing, being scolded, being kicked out....
Yea I guessed I reflected enough on my attitude towards work.
I don't think I'm hopeless. I WANT TO PROVE TO TEACHERS I CAN!!!!!
I sound like a retard making aims of my own (like seriously WHO CARES) but at least I reflected. And I'm going to stop being a lazy asshole and start pulling my socks up.
My class is not a bunch of stupid people. So I can't be too stupid after all.
JIAYOU ALL!
I'm even surprised you read till here... Hope you are inspired by me. NOT xD